“Don’t look back” her heart screamed, or was it her head? At this point, she had no idea. She felt so conflicted she didn’t know which way to turn. But, fighting every fibre of her being she kept on running. Running to a destination of which she had no clue. Her black hood was up, the rain beating down on her like stones on a drum. Her senses were heightened. There was an echo in her ears with every drop of rain. It echoed the pounding of her heart. The rain streaming down her face was a mask for the tears bleeding from her eyes; the essence of her raw, pure heart. The rain may be able to mask the tears but in reality, nothing could mask the pain accompanying the love that coursed through her veins.
She’d tried many times to mask the pain that crippled her. This time would be no different surely. Even as she turned the corner it flitted through her mind the many times she had attempted to take her own life, and many times she had almost succeeded. She never learned. But maybe, this time, just this time she would but, she was a lover, a lover of souls. She couldn’t help but fall in love time and time again. Her destiny was a poetic tragedy. She didn’t see what others saw, or what people would want her to see. She naturally, instinctively peered behind the mask, always loving others more than the measurement of love itself. So somehow every time she died, she managed to bring herself back to life: to love, just to experience it all over again. To help others experience love all over again. You would think she was an addict in need of rehab for the addiction to the bittersweet fix of healing a broken soul; the physical pain, the metaphorical death. Rather, she was just a lover of love.
When you really love, you realise the harsh truth that you don’t always get it back. It feels as though you can pour and pour and pour. But, as an authentic lover, you come to a place where you just are love, loving without expectancy, understanding the reality that you can love someone purely and even not get any love back at all sometimes, at least not in the way you gave it. And, you learn to be at peace with that. For to understand love is to know: true love when given purely rewards in itself. True love never returns void. It doesn’t mean it doesn’t come without it’s challenges as she and many of us know to be true but, the amount of pain that can come with loving another is worth the price of experiencing the most precious, incomparable gift life has to offer.